I think this is about life...

Anyone else have major resistance to the word 'compromise'?

Its neutral. Its just a word. But my brain has definitely given it meaning, based on experiences that didnt feel good. Generally, a meaning of 'this is what we are doing, whether you like it or not.' Dig as deep as you want, you might find 'you dont matter', 'your feelings arent valid', 'you must deny your existence in order to be liked, loved, accepted', etc.

These are some pretty big stretches for a lil old word. But, its what my mind has done, for whatever reason. And i figure it was a good reason, because my mind just wants to help keep me safe.

So. Theres this process. It starts with acknowledging the programming. The script, the story, the meaning that plays subconsciously. Whoop! Now its conscious. Ok.

Next, it feels necessary to rebel. Resist. Fuck that! No more, not me. I wont 'compromise'. Foot. Down. Looks a little toddler-esque. Toddler wisdom is real wisdom.

So then, in our expression of defiance, we find out that there are consequences to NEVER 'compromising' too. Shit. At least i know what i dont want. Ok, time to recalibrate. Reconfigure. Boom, another consciousness upgrade. Wow. It happens like a flash! In a moment!

I find my next step is usually reclaiming by redefining. I need to assert conscious control over the word. The concept. Not in a weird dominatey way, but in an empowering way. In an 'I am the master of my reality and i co-create with the universe' type of way.

So. I want compromise to feel like a win-win. No one is doing anything they dont want, and both parties can settle in a place where they are generally pleased. Maybe it looks different than someone thought, but they found a new perspective that feels good too. Win-win. Not compromise. New language. I feel better, lighter, and absolutely no resistance.

So we are done, right? Can I call myself healed of the judgement and programming around compromise?

Umm, no. I have rested easy in this spot enough times to know that it comes back around and asks for more attention, right away. Okkkkk, Hiiii! It happens when I leave the house, or my internal rainbow-filled peacescape of mind, and interact with another human. Turns out they didnt get the memo that I had redefined an entire concept and not only does it have a different definition, it also means they have to carry themselves differently in order for my world to feel coherent. Where, oh where, do we go from here?

Do i patiently explain to them my self-appointed and highly appropriate position and role as re-definer of all the things in the world that dont feel good to me, and then show them a powerpoint of their new role and purpose in my obviously-better-than-the-old-one reality? *nervous throat clear and whimper giggle* I have totally done this. I mean, minus the actual powerpoint. Hard truth. Oof.

Orrrrrr, do i just take personal responsibility for my new chosen reality, ask for what I need, and say no to what isnt working for me? And carry on? Like, hard stop?

Yeah, that sounds right.

So that all shakes out, interaction is had, feelings get hurt, or not, it is usually coarse and choppy for a while (or sometimes like stuck-in-an outhouse-in-a-tornado type energy), and then gets smoother and more fluid and less awkward (and messy). Very humbling. Usually shocked by the love and patience of whoever I feel safe enough to practice this with, which is usually someone I super duper care about. Also the hardest to practice with, because, rejection. Sometimes we practice this stage with randos too. Either way, we notice that operating from our new chosen reality can create intimacy and closeness or distance. This phase can last a while. Its a real hoot.

If we practice enough to solidly validate our new chosen reality, and we still want to keep it (because btw we are allowed to change our mind), i notice that something else awesome happens next.

I can use the word 'compromise' again. It regains its neutrality. Just a word. Im confident in how I operate in that arena. Mastered it. UPGRADE AGAIN! Now i just emanate in my being-ness, where and when its appropriate, the essence of compromise. Fuck yes! (So PS im not quite there yet on this one, but close-ish?)

What happens once we get to being-ness? I mean, we just BE, right? Its nice to just BE. We can sing songs and celebrate and rest and breathe and everything.

Spoiler alert...sometimes we decide that we want to shift our reality a lil MORE, and have to recalibrate. Again. Generally, its not as challenging as the first time or two. More graceful? Sometimes it seems harder. I dont know, do you have more water signs or earth? Nevermind, doesnt matter. Pretty sure this phase never stops. Until we ascend and merge back into the giant unicorn in the sky.

And that is one version of the story of my life. What about you?

(Below, my muse in compromise. Ms Garden and Mama E herself 🌎)