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Courage and Fear Hang out Together

I have been at Lovely Salon for almost a month now, and need to express some serious gratitude. The salon is fantastic, the people are sweet and real and kind, and I have the opportunity to hold a space for clients that has been powerful. I have encountered people in need of acute injury care, post surgical massage, pure relaxation, and a few who simply needed a loving touch and a place to let go of all they were carrying. I am growing stronger physically, and I have tested my energetic capacity to connect and found that my limits are far greater than I thought. I am enjoying the work that I'm doing, it's filling me on a deep level, and I have more energy than ever. I mean, really?! Thank you. I took the risk to leave my career to travel and open up to a new path. I remember how intense it felt when I made that decision. But here's the thing about a courageous act. It's usually followed by life continuing to ask for more courage. Leaving my job was hard when it happened, but that feels like a lifetime ago. Then it became hard to give massage a chance, knowing I would make a third of what I earned in my previous job. Like, real hard. I didn't know if I would like it, would physically be able to do it, or could handle the idea of living paycheck to paycheck. From the outside, it's easy to say 'just try it, you can always get a different job...'. But here's the thing with risks that involve matters of the heart and soul. There is more on the line than logistics. The thing that stops many of us from taking the leap isn't the seemingly valid list of excuses. It is this: WHAT IF I FAIL. What if this thing I've been reaching for is really not what I want? What if I take this risk, possibly lose things of value, and end up being wrong and miserable anyway?! The possibility of failure is not a valid reason to stay miserable. The fear is real, but so is the misery. Only you can decide if it's worth it. Here's a few things I have learned for myself. 1. Faith works. Manifestation works. Shit works out if you're clear on what you want. If you feel stuck, start praying for clarity. When it arrives, pray for the balls to listen. When you have a clear message, pray for the courage to act. 2. Be patient with yourself. If it's not happening, you're not ready. If you're not ready, YOU'RE NOT READY. That is all. This does not mean you are weak, dumb, worthless, a loser, or that you should quit trying. Don't ever fucking quit pointing yourself in the direction of your deepest desires. Don't quit healing and strenthening yourself for when the time is right. Do quit beating yourself up for not being where you think you should be. We really don't get to know what is going on most of the time. You can definitely give up acting like you run every detail of your future. 3. You're worth it. If you have a burning desire and a semi decent way to reach for it, but you just can't take the leap...go back to square one. Because, if you're like me, you may have been avoiding this teeny tiny little thing called self love. If you don't really like yourself, you certainly aren't going to put everything on the line for your little old hope and dream. Put your waiters on and get in the swamp of your own self loathing. Dig around for as long as it takes. Touch all of the dark corners. They're yours, and you're living in them anyways. You might as well know what you're working with. You want intimacy and connection? Many of us have to walk through our own gates of hell to build it with our self. This is a huge job. Get help. A lot of it. The respect and compassion for yourself that waits on the other side is ... everything. Life is amazing, and hard, and weird, and funny. I am grateful.  


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